With deep gratitude that I get to be a stay at home mom I express this; It's a juggling act, a circus, being constantly torn between focusing on my son and my goals. It means not pricing my work according to hours spent because if so, you'd be paying me to raise my child.
This morning, just like many days, I took photos of this new picture frame, edited them, and listed it on my website while frequently stopping to show my son he's single handedly more important than my work. I do this because I have seen parents prioritize their work over their child and it causes a lot of pain for the child and they could carry it into adulthood believing they aren't important or worth some ones time. This is not a fun place to be mentally... where I feel like the line between denying my own goals and giving my son enough attention is so thin. I love caring for him, I love working, especially on what I'm most passionate about...my art. It took me an hour and a half to do what should've only taken a maximum of 20 minutes. Can you relate to this? Am I the only one that feels like parenting is a juggling act of allowing yourself and your child to be and feel heard and important?
In that one and a half hours it took to list this beautiful frame he seemed to have gotten clay all over the Livingroom, freshly cleaned blankets on the floors where the dog lays, and I got a message from my neighbor asking Gavin to be more quiet because she too works from home (which I understand). It's overwhelming, which is valid, but at the same time I want to shift into gratitude. Unless I lock myself in a room to complete a project, it takes an unbelievable amount of time to accomplish something. It doesn't help that Gavin knows how to unlock a door.
First, Gavin got the clay out and it was too dry so he was asking for my help. As mom I want to teach him it's ok to ask for help. This is something I would've greatly benefitted knowing as a young adult if I was taught it. With that being said, when he asks for help I find ways to reassure him he's important but also what I am doing is too. This is hard for a 5 year old to grasp so it usually leads to a tantrum or him thinking I don't love him. Which is an entirely different battle I have with him because of his emotions stemming from his dads 400 day Army deployment. He decided to make a menu with donuts and ice cream so I placed an order while typing the description of the frame....Please be mindful of this when I have errors in typing. I am a mom who works from home; grammar isn't my priority. Allow the misspelled words and errors to move you into communicating with me if you have questions; I welcome this. I finally get the photos edited and he's slamming a spatula on the Livingroom table in fury because his clay donut was in complete wreckage. Sometimes I like to give him the opportunity to find a solution himself so he can learn and explore how to shift his own mindset but he's also 5 so I get to teach him these things. I dropped everything to fill up a spray bottle for the clay to remind him its easier to connect the pieces when they're wet. I finally sat back down to complete the details on shipping and inventory number when he had colored the donut and brought it over to me. At this point I'm at about an hour and ten minutes into this one listing and it was getting frustrating. Once again, I took a deep breath and put all of my art aside to show him appreciation for the gift he just gave me and to applaud his creativity. It feels like I am tripping over my own feet; I miss working outside of the home.
Mom needs a break.
I have big goals with my décor, big goals for being a mom, big goals for being a wife and if it wasn't for the art of giving it to God I wouldn't be able to do all of this completely sober.
I'm with Gavin all day everyday with the exception of his grandparent taking him for a few hours a month. I want the best for you, for me, and for Gavin.
Now here's the gratitude shift.
I like to feel the feels, allow for some time and space to express being overwhelmed, and then decide when it's no longer serving me to feel such a way. Writing all of this out helps me, and potentially gives you something to relate to or to understand more about me. At this point I can now calm my nervous system down and appreciate the life I've been given. I know I would miss Gavin if I worked a 9-5, I know I wouldn't feel like I am pursuing my passions if I wasn't able to work on my décor.
I love being a mom and I am extremely grateful.
I love being an artisan and creating one of a kind décor.
I am grateful I get to ensure that my son is in safe hands and not being raised by someone else. I am grateful that I have the space to work from home. I am grateful that I am supported enough to have this opportunity to build up my name in the rustic décor/ furniture world. I am also grateful for the knowledge to understand I am allowed to put on my oxygen mask first despite feeling a little selfish in doing so. In case you haven't heard of the oxygen mask scenario I will explain it. Your on a plane with someone next to you...someone you love. the oxygen masks fall and it is detrimental to put them on. Life or death. If you choose to put the other persons on first you risk passing out and then not being able to help them. But if you choose to put yours on first then they pass out you can revive them.
Now I get to go clean the house, figure out our lunch according to several specific dietary restrictions, figure out how we can get some fresh air and incorporate homeschool lessons.
This is my life as a stay at home, homeschooling, working mom. Time to go diffuse vetiver & peace & calming essential oil.
Be well,
Tricia
#sobermom #workingmom #stayathomemom #becomingrenowned #selflove #parenting #jugglingact #validfeelings #breathe
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